Joy in the Trenches began as a series of Facebook posts written during and after the final illness and death of my daughter, Kirstin Aileen Wheeler (1983 to 2019). I usually don’t post very much, but I was driven to write out the unfathomable sorrow that engulfed my family March 23rd as our Lord guided us through this very dark period of our lives (and continue to guides us). I’ve lost grandparents, a younger brother, and parents. Then I lost a child. All loss is devastating, but losing your child is like the wound from a morgul blade. It never heals. (I’m a fan of The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien.) We all suffer. How can we avoid it if we live in this fallen world? The question I’ve pondered my whole life was, “How can you hold on when the evil day comes?” Yeah. I was a strange child. Anyway, come along with me. I hope you can glimpse the answer God gave. Anyway, it’s always more comforting when you’re not alone as you travel on this road of life.
Today I look at this title and cringe. Joy? I don’t feel it. It’s been four weeks now since Kiki was rushed to the hospital and this whole journey began. I’ve discovered that knowing God is sovereign, that He is good and that He has a plan doesn’t mean I’d always feel...
I woke up joyful today. Then I listened to “You Raise Me Up” and started crying. I went through my music and tried to find something that wouldn’t make me weep uncontrollably. I didn’t find anything. Then I came home and saw Kiki’s signatures and a few other things...
I painted this for my dad when he died in 2013. It popped up today! He’s the tiny bird way in front, and I meant me to be the second bird. We are flying into the Morning. I guess it was Kiki all along.
It’s one of those days. Last night Mike brought me a box. He very thoughtfully separated Kiki’s ashes so Larry and I could have some. I so love this man who has become my son. We grieve together. But I had been having flashbacks all day as it was. It’s funny how shock...
Three years ago I painted this. I loved the picture because it seemed to represent my life, always trying to keep ahead of the storm, sometimes not quite making it. But it’s always Christ who keeps me afloat and will bring me safely to port. I’m glad this popped up...
This is from Tim’s Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering book. I highly recommend it. According to Christian theology, suffering is not meaningless—neither in general nor in particular instances. For God has purposed to defeat evil so exhaustively on the cross...
What?? Yesterday, as I climbed the rocky slopes of my day, this thought came to me. It seemed ridiculous. In our culture, suffering is something to be avoided at all costs. As a result, we’ve become awkward not only with our own difficulties, but with others. Too...
It’s Monday. This is the day Kiki was born. “Monday’s child is fair of face.” She was. It’s also the day she began to vomit and run a fever with a stomach bug. It’s a day for memories, memories that burn. They sear you like a steak. There are days when it’s not too...
“St. Paul promises to those who love God not, as we should expect, that they will know Him, but that they will be known by Him (1 Cor. 8: 3). It is a strange promise. Does not God know all things at all times? But it is dreadfully reechoed in another passage of the...
“There was a real railway accident,” said Aslan softly. “Your father and mother and all of you are—as you used to call it in the Shadowlands—dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning.” And as He spoke He no longer looked...